IN ATTENTION

I'm sitting in class.

It's been a long time since I sat in a classroom and actually had to pay attention. Sadly, I now have to.

* * *

I have tried paying attention. 

It is unbelievably difficult. 

If there is any paying to be involved here, I ought to be on the receiving end. 

* * *

This is it. I have had an epiphany in the middle of a computer science lecture. I now know all I need to 

I have learned that the sole purpose of this hour of class is to sleep. 

Question not the validity of this conclusion, for I have spent several deeply engrossing and inattentive minutes in attaining this realization. 

I realize that such statements are generally frowned upon and not paid much heed, or indeed, any heed at all. In light of this popular opinion, certain facts shall be laid out, enabling the reader to reach an independent conclusion. 

The Pause

Most great speakers, in the course of delivering an address, use the pause as a tool, generally to drive home a poignant point. 

While in my experience I have seen some speakers use the pause rather excessively, my latest encounter with the pause has disturbed my understanding of the word "excessive".

A sample of the speech is as follows. 

The pen *                                                   PAUSE                                                                  * drive has a *                                                   PAUSE                                                                  *  storage of *                                                   PAUSE                                                                  * ### megabytes *                                                   PAUSE                                                                  *  and asdfkhwueron

I sincerely apologize for having been unable to record the entirety of the sentence, owing to a sudden attack of pause-induced sleep. 

 The Look-Around

Yet another common tactic of experienced speakers, the look-around refers to the motion of the speaker's eyes, focusing on different locations in the audience. 

While this is generally used for the speaker to, in a psychological manner, bond with the members of the audience through establishing eye contact, it feels almost certain to me that my lecturer was merely counting the number of students lying comatose, and estimating the duration until she, too, could follow suit. 

                                   

I find no words to describe this phenomenon. It would be disrespectful to call it "spewing rubbish", insufficient to deem it "blabbering", offensive to call it "meaningless drivel", and merely childish to refer to it as "googlefrump".

That final word makes about as much sense as the following sentence. 

"People say that C is a C"

I shall now provide you with a poignant pause to mull over my contention.

You agree with me, don't you?

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